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Getting Married​—Hong Kong Style

By “Awake!” correspondent in Hong Kong

HONG KONG weddings include many traditions handed down in China. But families observe different traditions depending on the province of China they are from. Also, Western influence has brought changes. So weddings vary, and no one can say dogmatically the exact norm for a Hong Kong wedding. Yet there are certain marriage customs taken for granted here that persons from other places may consider quite strange.

It has long been the Chinese custom for a boy’s parents to contact a girl’s parents by means of a mediator to arrange a marriage, doing so before the young couple have ever met. Today, however, courting in Hong Kong is usually done Western style. In fact, dating now begins in the teens, even though the majority of marriages are contracted by couples in their mid- or late twenties.

Setting the Date

When a couple who are courting decide to get married, usually the boy goes to the girl’s parents about the matter. Sometimes the boy’s parents, or in some rare cases a mediator known by both families, will intercede for the boy. At this contact between the two families the wedding details, dowry and other requirements are discussed. In these considerations the girl’s parents have the primary say.

When it comes to selecting a date for the wedding, parents may consult a fortune-teller who may pick a “lucky day.” Or the “lucky day” may be arrived at by looking in the Chinese almanac. This is basically a book of astrology listing each day of the year and what should or should not be done on that day. “Good luck” is considered very important by both non-Christians and even members of Christendom’s religions in Hong Kong. Every avenue possible is explored to bring “good luck.”

The 1969-70 Chinese lunar year, the “year of the chicken,” was considered a “lucky year” to get married because there were two spring festivals. Thus, there was a huge waiting list of couples to have their marriage registered that year. But the 1970-71 lunar year, the “year of the dog,” is called a blind year since there are no spring festivals. So it is considered a “bad year” for marriages.

Christian witnesses of Jehovah God know, however, that the Bible strictly forbids anything connected with astrology, fortune-telling or the false gods of “Good Luck” and “Destiny.” (Deut. 18:10-12; Isa. 65:11, 12) So they determine their wedding date upon its convenience to themselves and their families and friends. And rather than look to any god of “Good Luck,” they look to their Creator Jehovah God for blessings and a happy future.

Dowry

Once the wedding date is set, the bargaining starts on what might be called the bride price or dowry. The bride price was paid by God’s servants in Bible times, and so in itself is not a custom objectionable to Christians. If it is the first and oldest daughter to be married, the price for her will probably be more than it would be for, say, the fourth daughter.

The dowry usually is a set amount of money paid directly to the girl’s parents, or for a restaurant wedding feast. The girl’s parents customarily stipulate the number of tables as well as what some of the feast courses must include, such as mushrooms, chicken and abalone.

A table at a wedding feast seats twelve. The girl’s parents, for example, may require payment for twenty or more tables at a cost of $35 to $70 per table, depending on the menu and the restaurant. But this is only for the relatives and friends of the girl’s family. The boy’s family may have an equal number of tables.

Yet this is only part of the dowry payment. The bride’s family may also require that a certain number of catties (pounds) of wedding cake be delivered on a “lucky day” before the wedding for distribution to friends and relatives.

The family may also want one or more whole roast pigs to be sent to them on the third day following the wedding. In ancient China the roast pig was sent on the third day after the wedding as evidence that the boy found the girl to be a virgin. The third-day custom is not always adhered to nowadays, and in this increasingly immoral world, neither does the pig necessarily indicate virginity. Now the pork may be sent on the first day after the wedding, or even be included on the feast menu.

None of the requested dowry surprises the boy. He has expected to pay a price. But he does not give in too easily. There is bargaining over the number of tables, the catties of cake and roast pork, and so forth. If there is a mediator, then the mediator does the bargaining.

Usually the bargaining ends in an amicable settlement, with compromises on both sides. Sometimes, however, breaches in the relationship occur, even resulting in the calling off of the wedding. Or the in-laws may have separate feasts. Of course, the boy’s parents are concerned about the money involved, since they often help their son to pay the dowry, and sometimes assume all the cost. Some parents feel that if they pay for the wedding, the children have the responsibility to care for them in their later years.

If the boy adheres strictly to certain traditions, he may have to pay for new clothes for all members of the bride’s family. He may also pay for the wedding dress, which is frequently the traditional Western white. The bride may change outfits several times on the wedding day. Included among these outfits is the Chinese Kwa Kwan. This traditional dress, consisting of a coat and long skirt, costs from $200 to $1,200. Most couples rent it for $15 to $120 a day.

“Well, don’t the girl’s parents have to pay anything?” you may ask. Yes, they customarily do. After bargaining in connection with the wedding is over, there is frequently a discussion regarding what the girl’s parents are going to give the newlyweds. Sometimes it is furniture for the new home, except the wedding bed, which only the boy is to buy. If the girl’s parents are well-to-do, they may provide an apartment with the rent paid for one year, or, in some cases, paid in full.

Wedding Day

Finally the wedding day arrives! The groom first goes to get his bride. When he arrives, friends and members of the family may not let him in unless he first pays “luck money.” This money, placed in red packets, is given to the one who opens the door or to everyone in the house. It is only after payment that the groom may receive his bride. True Christians do not participate in any of such practices that involve “luck,” and generally explain this in advance to those connected with the wedding.

Next, the wedding party may head to the marriage registry for the ceremony. In Hong Kong, couples can only be legally registered as married at one of the government registry offices, or by going to one of the few large churches authorized for this purpose. The couple must apply well in advance to have the ceremony performed at the registry office on the date and time they wish. So there are no late brides here, or they miss their turn!

Christian witnesses of Jehovah readily comply with this marriage registry law, as they know that only such legally registered marriages are approved by God. In addition to the legal ceremony they usually arrange for a Christian minister to give a Bible-based talk on marriage and its accompanying responsibilities. This is done either at the marriage registry or before the wedding feast.

Some people in Hong Kong, however, may want to be married on a “lucky day,” but find they are too late to get their marriage registered on that day. So they have a customary Chinese wedding, and then, in the meantime, live together before having their marriage registered. But since these couples are not really legally married, their living together is not proper Scripturally.

After the wedding, Chinese religion requires that the bride return home dressed in the Kwa Kwan and kowtow or bow before the altar of the gods of kitchen, heaven, earth or any other gods worshiped by the family. Then she must kowtow to any dead ancestors represented by a plaque, altar or pictures on the wall. Finally, she kowtows to members of the family, and ceremonially serves them tea. Worshipers of the God of the Holy Bible, of course, do not share in this custom, since it is condemned in God’s Word as idolatry.​—Ex. 20:3-5.

Wedding Feast

The feast consists of ten courses or more and is generally held late at night. Relatives and friends prefer it late, for it gives them a chance to go to the restaurant early in the afternoon and gamble until it is time to eat, which is around 10 p.m. Of course, Christian couples do not allow gambling at their wedding feast, since gambling is not approved in the Bible.

The couple usually receive gifts of money and of other kinds before, during and after the wedding. This helps to cover expenses. But Hong Kong weddings, as you can see, often are expensive. So the newlyweds may only break even, or perhaps be saddled with a debt. To pay for their wedding some couples have had to cancel honeymoon vacations abroad and other plans.

Christians, while not objecting to marriage customs that are not disapproved by God, try to use good judgment so as not to incur debts that would interfere with their service to God. Thus their weddings​—Hong Kong style—​are happy, memorable occasions, as weddings everywhere should be.