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Questions From Readers

● It seems that so often husbands leave to their wives the task of training and disciplining the children. What does the Bible say on this? Is it really ‘the wife’s job’?

It is true that in many places men feel that the wife is the one to guide and correct the children. But the Bible does not agree; it shows plainly that both mates have that duty.​—Prov. 1:5.

Of course, a person should be reasonable and realistic about the circumstances in many families. Often the husband does secular work to support the family, so he is away much of the day. And in many cases the wife works in the home most of the time, there making her valuable contribution to the happiness and well-being of the entire family. If she is the member of the husband-and-wife team who is in contact with the children regularly during the day, it is natural that she will give them much of the guidance and discipline that they need.

But, really, what more and more women resent is their husband’s reluctance to share in training the children when he is at home with the family.

What the Bible says about training and disciplining the children is both wise and instructive. For instance, we read: “Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it. Chastise your son and he will bring you rest and give much pleasure to your soul.” (Prov. 22:6; 29:17) God places the responsibility on both father and mother. Thus his counsel to children is: “Observe, O my son, the commandment of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother. Listen to your father who caused your birth, and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old.” (Prov. 6:20; 23:22) Hence, even if a man may be away from the home during the day, he should be actively interested in raising his children successfully. He is not merely ‘the breadwinner.’

However, he may come home tired, seeking ‘peace and quiet.’ When, therefore, a day-to-day problem involving the children is brought up, he may be tempted to tell his wife, ‘You care for that. You’re with them all day and so you can figure out what is best for them.’ Maybe she can, as she may have had to during the day. But when her husband is at home, why should he not cooperate with her in training the children? That would be the loving and considerate thing for him to do.

Furthermore, as head of the family he is charged by God with the responsibility of taking the lead in guiding and correcting the children. God’s Word says: “You, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Eph. 6:4) And the Bible compares beneficial discipline from Jehovah God to the well-motivated discipline from a human father, discipline that engenders in his children respect and that yields peaceable fruit.​—Heb. 12:7-11.

That does not mean, though, that once he gets home it is all his job. No, the Bible does not segment the responsibility according to hours in the day. Husband and wife are a team in which both share responsibility and both ought to be considerate of the other. They should both recognize that together they are Scripturally responsible to help and guide their children whenever they can. (Deut. 11:18-21) When husband and wife cooperate in doing that, happiness and success are likely to result. The children will certainly benefit from having the loving guidance and discipline of both parents. And the husband will probably find that his wife is not resentful, but that she draws satisfaction from knowing that she has his love and cooperation.

Even in a community or a country where it is ‘customary’ to leave the training and disciplining of the children to the wives, it is wise and beneficial for us to follow the way outlined by our Creator in His inspired Word. So training and disciplining the children is not ‘the wife’s job’; it is ‘the parents’ job’​—both parents.