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From Bitterness to Love for God

OURS is a neighborhood in Paris where 30-story apartment buildings tower over others only half as tall. Compared to such buildings I am very small, a woman of 1.2 meters​—not quite four feet tall.

When I was born, in 1942, I was, I am told, the largest baby in the family, but unfortunately also the weakest. Eight days after my birth my mother, seeing that I resembled a doll with dislocated arms, went to see a doctor. He diagnosed the disorder as Lobstein’s disease,a which meant that I would remain an invalid all my life. Later, as was to be expected, I broke my legs dozens of times. They became deformed and grew very little. I could not walk.

In spite of my condition I was able to go to a regular school that had three classes reserved for the handicapped. Every morning I would be picked up, and in the evening, brought home. At the age of 14 I left school to enter a hospital center run by nuns in Paris. I stayed there several years, since in this establishment Professor Jean Ducroquet, a great bone specialist, practiced. To him I owe one of my greatest joys: that of being able to walk a little. In order to do this I underwent several operations and long months immobilized in a cast, followed by interminable and painful periods of rehabilitation. As I grew up I realized that I was not like others and that I could not experience the same joys they did. What is more, I could see no solution to the problem.

It should not be hard for you to understand why I developed bitterness during my early life. But I managed to fight this feeling and come to love the true God. How was this possible?

Catholic Teaching Did Not Help Me

During my stay at the center I became better acquainted with the Catholic religion. I had been baptized, but as my father was a communist I had not been reared to believe in God. Therefore, I proclaimed myself an atheist. Like many people I believed in the theory of evolution that I had been taught in school.

As you might imagine, when the nuns spoke to me of a God of love I responded with bitterness: “Why has your God allowed me to be born with such a handicap?” The answer they gave surprised me: “Because he loves you.” What an absurdity! I refused to accept this idea of a God who would make those he loves suffer. For me religion was just a question of money and polite custom. However, at the age of 16 I did have my first Communion so as not to disappoint the nuns.

Learning a Trade

Back home again, I wanted to enter into normal life. I took stenography and then was placed in a new school at Choisy-sur-Seine for classes in bookkeeping. I obtained a diploma in this field. At that time I realized that because of my condition no one wanted to hire me.

How do you find work when you are afflicted with dwarfism and with the incapability of using your legs? It wasn’t easy. In addition I had to find a company that was not too far from home because at that time I got around in a manual tricycle, which tired me a lot.

Several months went by before I found work. While I was waiting I knitted articles for a small shop. Finally, on January 10, 1966, I entered the bookkeeping department of a publishing house​—really a great joy for me. At last I worked like everyone else. I stayed there for seven years. I have not worked since 1973 but live on a pension the State gives because of my infirmity.

First Contact With Jehovah’s Witnesses

I was still living with my mother when I was first visited by Jehovah’s Witnesses. I accepted two magazines, especially because the contribution was minimal, but I didn’t read them. Later my mother and I moved​—each one of us living alone.

One Saturday two other Witnesses came to the door of my new apartment. I accepted the magazines, but again I did not read them. Feeling no particular affinity for religion, I decided I would not open the door when they came back the following Saturday. But I changed my mind, thinking it would not be very polite not to open my door, when I had agreed to the visit.

I must have told them the things that I believed at that time​—and that many others believe—​that the Bible was written by men and that man descended from a monkey. But what they said whetted my curiosity a great deal. The young lady showed me that there are reasons to believe in a Creator. She used Sir Isaac Newton’s reasoning regarding the solar system, related in the book Did Man Get Here by Evolution or by Creation?b This logic touched me and made me begin to doubt my conviction that there is no God.

She also explained that God had promised to abolish all the ills of humanity. She reminded me that when Jesus was on earth he had healed all sorts of infirmities. During the visit she showed me three books that discussed the things we were talking about. What struck me the most was the hope of eternal life. I asked: “Do you hope to live forever?” “Yes, of course!” she answered, and she showed me in the Bible the reason for her conviction. “And yet,” I thought, “this girl seems to be neither a bigot nor an idiot.” I believe it was her good personal appearance and balanced attitude that prompted me to accept the Bible study she offered. As she was leaving she offered me the book The Truth That Leads to Eternal Life, and I asked: “Couldn’t I have all three?”

What pleased me was that the study was free. I was not stingy, but I felt that religion was much too concerned with money. I already had a Bible that a colleague had given me. I had tried to read it but without success. When I got to the genealogies in Genesis I stopped. So, since I was offered a Bible study, why should I refuse? Possibly I was not 100-percent atheist. Perhaps unconsciously I was looking for something else, but religion hadn’t seemed able to offer a remedy for my problems. To the contrary, handicapped believers had not generally seemed to be any happier than I was.

Learning to Love God and His People

The Bible study enabled me to go deeper into the thoughts the young lady had expressed. Logically I agreed with the reasoning and explanation given in the Bible at Romans 5:12: “That is why, just as through one man sin entered into the world and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men because they had all sinned.” I understood that my physical handicap was one of the innumerable consequences of Adam’s sin. I also accepted the hope of physical healing implied in texts such as Isaiah 35:6, where we are told: “At that time the lame one will climb up just as a stag does, and the tongue of the speechless one will cry out in gladness.”

But the most difficult thing for me was to learn to love the divine Person whose name is Jehovah. I thought religion should not be a carrot waved in front of a donkey, but I still wanted the benefits immediately. Later I tested the Bible teachings and saw that good things result from following them. For example, the endurance recommended in 1 Timothy 6:11 helped me mentally to live with my handicap.

Often Jocelyne, the Witness who conducted my Bible study, invited me to meetings held at the Kingdom Hall. However, I had decided not to accept because I thought that this type of gathering resembled Catholic services. I did finally give in, and Jocelyne came for me in a taxi. I have to admit that I did not understand much of what was said during the talk that was given, but I was profoundly moved by the warm welcome I received. Although I knew no one, people came to shake my hand and to talk with me. Another Witness and his family drove me home. He acted in a friendly manner, saying he would come for me the following week. I did not like to lie and had no valid objection, so I accepted. In this way, little by little, I regularly went to the meetings of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

My thankfulness to God increased as I benefited from his spiritual blessings. I realized that the Bible contained a solid moral foundation. It brought me many blessings. Now I knew what to do and what to believe. It was not just the hope of no longer being handicapped that won my devotion, although obviously that was important. I wanted to be comforted now, and I found comfort, thanks to the joy from the company of my new-found Christian companions, and the joy of being able to help others spiritually.

About 10 months after having begun the study of the Bible I was baptized, in August 1971.

My New Christian Life

The group of high-rise apartment houses where I now live presents several advantages for me as I move about in my wheelchair. Using the elevators, I can contact many people who live nearby. I am well surrounded by three Christian families who live near me.

In April 1978, I had an operation on the tibia, which made it necessary for me to stay in a rest home for three months. There in the congregation I became acquainted with Christian brothers and sisters who invited me to their homes. Their kindness greatly touched me. While I was gone the Witnesses in my home congregation took advantage of my absence to wallpaper the studio apartment where I live. I am really blessed to receive such help.

In spite of my physical handicap I have found happiness in aiding my fellowman spiritually. Often people are astonished to see me at their door. Some think I have come to solicit. Others accept the Christian publications to please me. In rare cases people have become indignant, saying that Jehovah’s Witnesses use a handicapped person to touch people’s hearts. However, most people are polite to me, and the name of Jehovah is particularly well known in my neighborhood. I “blossom” at the thought of being useful in placing Bible truth before those who do not know God.

Yes, Christianity brought me what I was really searching for​—the “promise of the life now and that which is to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8) In addition, since 1976 I have several times a year had the privilege of spending 60 hours a month in the preaching and teaching work. In fact, since September 1981 I have been able to increase that to about a hundred hours each month.

My Life Now Makes Sense

In all, I have been operated on a dozen times​—once on my arm, and 11 times on my legs. It still hurts when anyone refers to my small stature or my infirmity, but the hope the Bible gives me of regaining the use of my extremities makes me live.

When I begin to suffer from self-pity, I get out a file in which I keep encouraging articles from The Watchtower and Awake! These include “Values to Live By” and “Learning to Live With the Unchangeable.” I also remember articles about other handicapped persons, such as the paralyzed Witness who, confined to his bed, listens and participates in the meetings by direct wire and serves as an elder in the congregation.c Such examples help me realize that I can be happy in spite of my handicap. With the aid of the Bible and God’s spirit, I have conquered my bitterness and lead a better and happier life.​—As told by Colette Regnier.

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 23]

I tested the Bible teachings and saw that good things result from following them

[Picture on page 22]

Colette Regnier witnessing from her wheelchair