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Young People Ask . . .

How Can I Cope With Disappointment?

“I GOT out of school in June,” says Barbara, “but didn’t get a job till October​—and that job was temporary! Only recently have I been able to find work.” And how did this make her feel? “It’s hard to come home and tell everybody that you couldn’t find a job. And when it’s time to pay the rent and everybody else is scraping up pennies​—and you don’t have anything to give—​it makes you feel like quitting.”

English poet Philip James Bailey once said: “There is no disappointment we endure one half so great as that we are to ourselves.” And even if you’ve never been turned down for a job, you probably know the humiliation of failing some important assignment or of having a friend or a parent let you down. What should you do when disappointment strikes?

When It’s Your Fault

Professor Dan Russell at the University of Iowa, who has studied the reactions of competitive athletes, makes this observation: “People are self-protective. If they lose, they blame external reasons, like the weather or the referee. And when they win, they say it’s because of their own abilities.” Nevertheless, often you are to blame for failure. And accepting this responsibility is a big part of coping with disappointment.

King David, for example, was once severely reproved for committing adultery. Yet David did not hide behind a wall of excuses. The 51st psalm poignantly reveals how squarely he faced his failure. Nevertheless, God decreed that the child of his adultery would die! David fasted and fervently prayed for the child’s life, but the child finally died. Did David wallow in self-pity? To the contrary, the Bible says: “David got up from the earth and washed and rubbed himself with oil and changed his mantles . . . after which he came into his own house and . . . began to eat.”​—2 Samuel 12:20.

Was David cold and heartless? No, but David had accepted his failure and was determined never to let it happen again. Now that he had dealt with his mistake, all he could do was pick himself up and go right on living.

You too can learn from even the worst of blunders. Barbara, for example, now realizes: “I should have been more persistent about job hunting. At times I got so discouraged that I didn’t even look for a job.” And likewise with an exam you might fail. Are you honest with yourself about your failure? Admitted one youth: “I just never cared for math, so I never put forth the effort to pass. I could have done better.”

Thorns in the Flesh

Not all disappointments are your fault, however. The apostle Paul, though eminently successful as an apostle, writer and missionary, had a bitter disappointment​—an affliction he calls “a thorn in the flesh.” Likely Paul referred to seriously defective eyesight. Paul says he “three times entreated the Lord that it might depart,” but instead he was told God’s “undeserved kindness is sufficient for you.”​—2 Corinthians 12:7-9.

Physical limitations are similarly “a thorn in the flesh” for many youths today. One teenaged youth has suffered an assortment of ailments. She says: “When I first found out that I had to have a serious operation, it really shook me.” But she gradually adjusted to the idea. And although medical treatment has offered her some relief, it still is not easy for her. Nevertheless she says: “I’ve learned to accept the situation.” Again, acceptance is the key to coping. And as in Paul’s case, physical limitations need not keep you from accomplishment​—or from enjoying life.

When Parents Let You Down

“My greatest disappointment,” said one youth, “was when my father was disfellowshipped [excommunicated] from the Christian congregation. He hasn’t improved at all. And the way he treats my mother just makes me sick!”

At times, our own parents fail to live up to our expectations. They may engage in hurtful conduct. They may make promises they don’t keep. Or they simply may not be there when we need them. Thirteen-year-old Peter’s mother is forced to work full time. Says Peter: “I come home from school and stay all alone until around seven o’clock. I watch TV but it gets pretty boring. . . . At times I like being alone. But it’s a strange feeling. You’re there all by yourself. You’ve got nobody to talk to. When my mother comes home it’s just as bad because when she comes in she’s tired and she goes to sleep. . . . When I try to tell her what I’m feeling, she’ll get mad or something.”

How might you cope? First, you might try​—hard though it may be—​to view your parents objectively. When you are little, your parents seem infallible. But as you get older, it slowly dawns on you that your parents are far from perfect, that they experience pressures you can only begin to understand. Remember, too, that a parent​—even one with serious problems—​is entitled to your respect and loving obedience.​—Ephesians 6:1.

What if your parent’s work schedule deprives you of his or her full attention? Realize that these are indeed “critical times hard to deal with.” (2 Timothy 3:1) In just a short time, you may have to experience firsthand how hard it is to make a living these days. So try to make the most of a difficult situation. After all, an empty house is no reason to be idle. Pitch in and help with the housework! Try having a hot meal waiting when Dad or Mom gets home. And when opportunities arise to spend some time with your parents, try to make up for lost time.

When Friends Let You Down

“One time,” says one teenaged girl, “I told my girl friend something that was not supposed to go any further. I found out later, however, that she had told someone and, when I confronted her, she started giving me excuses. I told her she wasn’t a true friend and that I didn’t want to see her anymore.”

It should not surprise you, however, that some friendships prove to be disappointing. The patriarch Job, for example, was afflicted with illness, financial disaster and the loss of loved ones. Surely his three “friends” would comfort him! But what did they do? They berated Job with accusations of secret wrongdoing! “My own brothers have dealt treacherously,” bemoaned Job.​—Job 6:15.

If one of your friends similarly lets you down, don’t be too quick to dismiss the friendship. Why not try to talk out your differences and resolve them? Likely some misunderstanding has occurred. And the Bible says: “Become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you.”​—Ephesians 4:32.

Learn From Disappointments

The longer you live, the more disappointments you will experience. Learning to deal with them, however, is valuable experience. Jesus Christ himself suffered disappointment. His own people rejected him. One of his closest friends betrayed him. His disciples abandoned him on the night of his arrest. But he was not broken by disappointment. Rather, he “learned obedience from the things he suffered.” His resolve to serve Jehovah God faithfully was strengthened by what he experienced. (Hebrews 5:7, 8) You, too, can become a stronger person for having suffered a letdown.

[Blurb on page 15]

If people fail they blame others. When they succeed they take the credit

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It’s hard to come home and tell your folks you didn’t find a job

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Avert disappointment by preparation and hard work