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Young People Ask . . .

Why Should I Obey Mom and Dad?

JOHN and two girl schoolmates stood before a large hole in a fence that had been built to prevent access to the roadway of a busy six-lane highway. As cars zipped past, the two girls prepared to dash across the roadway in order to get home quicker.

“Come on, John,” urged the girls. “You’re going with us, aren’t you?” John started to follow them. “Then I remembered that my mom and dad had told me never to cross on the roadway itself but always to use the overpass walkway.”

Noticing John’s hesitation, one of the girls taunted: “You’re just a chicken!” The words dug deep. John, who was not afraid, hated to have two girls show him up.

Ask yourself, ‘If I had been John, what would I have done?’ He was faced with humiliation before his peers if he did not take up their challenge. Only the command of his parents​—who were nowhere around—​stood in the way.

No doubt your parents have likewise set some guidelines they expect you to obey. Such rules may cover not only cleanliness, homework, curfews, and types of entertainment but also conduct and morals. At times, though, youngsters are tempted to ignore parental rules. But think . . .

Why Do Parents Set Rules?

“My son [or daughter],” wrote a wise parent, “keep my commandments and continue living.” (Proverbs 7:1, 2) Yes, the rules, “commandments,” of a parent are intended for your good. They are an expression of your parent’s genuine love and concern. Really, a lack of firm guidelines and rules breeds insecurity.

For instance, one youth wrote: “My folks . . . let me get by with anything. I’ll bet a lot of kids would love it if their parents would let them do whatever they pleased. Well, it’s not fun. It makes me feel guilty and rotten. One of these days I’m afraid I’ll do something awful. The thought of it makes me scared.” This youth has good reason to be fearful. In some cases, a parent’s failure to lay down necessary rules has led to disaster.

One young man, for example, wrecked his father’s car three times. “It is obvious that your son can’t drive,” his father’s work supervisor said upon learning of the accidents. “Why do you continue to let him use your car?” The father replied that he didn’t want to hurt his son’s feelings by forbidding him to drive. So he again gave the boy his car keys​—for the last time.

Twenty minutes after the son drove off, the father got a call from the police. They wanted him to come down and identify his son’s mutilated body. According to police, the son had struck a telephone pole at a speed of over 100 miles per hour [160 km/​hr]! “I should have stopped him,” lamented the father. “If I had put my foot down, he would be alive today.”

But rules do more than shield you from harm. By ordering you to do household chores and school homework, your parents are teaching you to do hard work. How important is this? Well, one study of 456 teenage boys compared the lives of those who developed the capacity to work during childhood with those who did not. The researchers considered such things as whether the boys did regular house chores and participated well in school. Some 30 years later, most of these boys were contacted again.

Those boys rated high on work skills turned out to be twice as likely to have warm relationships with a wide range of people as those rated low. They were also five times more likely to be well paid for their secular work. On the other hand, those least successful at work in childhood were ten times more likely to be rated emotionally disabled and six times as likely to be dead by age 47! Thus, obeying your parents’ rules regarding home chores and schoolwork may beneficially affect the rest of your life.

When It’s Hard to Obey

In some instances, it may simply be carelessness that leads to breaking a rule. You may need periodically to remind yourself of the rules. Also, observing other parents who are lenient may make you feel, ‘Why can’t I do it too?’ Remember, your parents have to evaluate what is best for you. If other parents are too lenient, both they and their children will eventually harvest a crop of serious problems, for “whatever a man is sowing, this he will also reap.” (Galatians 6:7, 8) Why ask to reap the same?

At times, a parent may arbitrarily impose a rule that you feel is unfair. The tendency is to disobey. But at the right time, why not discuss your feelings with your parents, explaining why you think the rule is unfair. You may find it most helpful to have in mind a new rule that could be an acceptable compromise. In yet other cases, however, the cause of the disobedience is spite.

One 17-year-old girl felt emotionally deprived because of the indifference of her parents, who were preoccupied with their own squabbles. Enraged at her parents, she was determined to violate the Bible principles that her parents had stressed. She committed fornication with a man she picked up while traveling on a train. “I felt I owed my parents one,” she later said. But by acting out of spite, she became the real loser, for her rage led to a seared conscience. Thereafter, she began cutting school classes and got involved in both abusing and selling drugs.

The righteous man Job was warned: “Take care that rage does not allure you into spiteful [actions] . . . Be on your guard that you do not turn to what is hurtful.” (Job 36:18-21) When you feel spiteful, stop and think: ‘What will my disobedience accomplish? Even if I break the rules to get back at my parents, will I possibly have to live with the results for a lifetime​—long after my emotions have quieted down?’ Rather than act in spite, it is time to keep calm and not act rashly.

Finally, adolescence is a time when youths often assert their independence. ‘You treat me like a baby. Why don’t you let me take responsibility for my own homework, room, curfew, appearance, friends, and bedtime?’ Many youths feel fully capable of making their own rules. But John, mentioned at the outset, learned . . .

The Value of Obedience

“I don’t care if you do call me a ‘chicken,’” said John to the two girls. “I just have to listen to my mother.” As the girls darted across the roadway, John obediently used the walkway. While crossing, he heard the screeching of tires. Looking down, he saw the two girls hit and knocked into the air. One landed in the opposite lane of traffic, where she was struck again and killed. Her sister’s leg was crushed and was later amputated.

This tragedy brought home to John how limited was his own experience. He had seen many other youths, including the two girls, run across the roadway without mishap. His mother, however, vividly remembered that, some five years earlier, the child of one of her friends was killed while trying to run across the same roadway. Because of her broader experience, she made rules to protect her son.

John’s mother, Thelma, later visited the mother of the girls to comfort her. The grieving mother explained: “I constantly told the girls always to use the overpass, but they wouldn’t listen. They decided to go anyway. I sure wish they had been as obedient as your son.” Yes, John’s obedience may have saved his life.

Of course, not every time a parental rule is broken is it a matter of life or death. With a little cleverness, you sometimes can get around virtually every rule your parents set. But disobedience in small issues may build a pattern that is difficult to change. One’s heart may become hardened in wrongdoing.​—Ecclesiastes 8:11.

John’s obedience did not depend on whether his parents were watching, for he knew that God commanded such obedience, and he wanted to please him and thus have a good conscience. (Ephesians 6:1) Such obedience must come from the heart. One wise parent advised his child: “May your heart keep fast hold of my words. Keep my commandments and continue living.”​—Proverbs 4:4.

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How should you view the rules of your parents?