Refine Search

Young People Ask . . .

Why Do We Have to Move?

You come home from school full of plans for the weekend​—a day at the beach, a ball game, a quiet evening spent catching up on some reading. But when Mom gets home from work, her face tells you that something is wrong. ‘They gave me a choice today between a transfer and a layoff,’ she says. ‘Looks like we’re going to have to move.’ Suddenly you feel like a flat tire.

IF YOUR family is about to move, you are not alone. In some industrialized lands, moving has become a way of life for many families. In the United States, for example, the Bureau of the Census estimates that the average American will relocate 12 times during his lifetime. Why, every year about 12 million American youths are subjected to the stresses of moving! Such statistics may be of little comfort, though, when it is your family that is changing its address. You may feel simply overwhelmed by the prospect. ‘Why do we have to move?’ you may bitterly ask.

Families on the Move

Often a family has little choice in the matter. In Bible times the family of Elimelech and Naomi was forced to flee to the neighboring land of Moab when a famine devastated Israel. (Ruth 1:1, 2) Many parents today find themselves in similar straits. In developing countries, drought and environmental neglect have forced millions to migrate to crowded cities and relief centers​—or to other lands. In Western countries, the economic slowdown has caused countless factories and businesses to close. Once prosperous farmlands have become unprofitable. Jobs have become scarce. Your parents may therefore have little choice but to head for a more prosperous area.

Not all families move to flee poverty, however. Job promotion, relocation of a parent’s place of employment, marital breakup, poor health, severe climate​—all of these are common reasons why some families move. Sociologist John D. Kasarda notes another popular reason: “There’s a perception that cities are more dangerous today. Drugs, in particular, have led to a rapid increase in crime to individuals and property.” Some feel it would be safer to live in a suburban area or a small town.

In Bible times, Abraham moved from his comfortable home in Ur in order to serve God’s interests. (Genesis 12:1; Hebrews 11:8) Similarly today, some families among Jehovah’s Witnesses have moved to areas where there is a need for more preachers of the Kingdom message. (Matthew 24:14) Others have begun attending a neighboring congregation where there is a need for overseers or ministerial servants. While such a move may not entail a change of residence, it does mean adjusting to a new set of people and circumstances.

Whatever the reason for your family’s move, it probably wasn’t your idea. Understandably, you may not be entirely happy about it.

Mixed Emotions

Not that all moves are bad. Twelve-​year-​old Justin grimaces when he recalls his previous home in the big city. “It was awful,” he says. “There was a lot of violence in our neighborhood. You couldn’t go 50 yards [50 m] from home without worrying about gangs. People stayed locked in their houses. I hated it. When I found out we were moving to the country, I was thrilled.”

Still, the thought of leaving your friends and familiar surroundings may leave you with mixed feelings. Young Anita experienced such feelings when she learned that her family was moving. “I had lived most of my life on a U.S. military base in England,” she recalls. “I really felt more British than American. When I was ten, I found out my dad was being transferred back to the United States, to New Mexico​—the desert! At first I didn’t know what to think. I was excited but apprehensive. I didn’t want to leave my friends. That was the worst part of moving.”

Why Moving Is Stressful

Today, young people seem to be particularly vulnerable to the stresses of moving. Notes Reader’s Digest: “Mental-​health experts tell us that even a positive move is a wrenching, emotionally stressful experience.”

For one thing, the excitement and the anticipation of a move are stressful in themselves. Unavoidable delays and setbacks can fuel the tension. The Bible says: “Expectation postponed is making the heart sick.” (Proverbs 13:12) Even when everybody looks forward to it, “moving can generate considerable sadness and anxiety in family members,” says Parents magazine. “This is because the act of leave-​taking awakens feelings of loss and uncertainty about the unknown.” So it is not unusual to pass through a gauntlet of feelings​—shock, anger, frustration, as well as depression.

The Teenager’s Survival Guide to Moving observes: “Moving means more than just changing your address. It means changing many major aspects of your life​—your school, your teachers, your activities, your friends. And change is always difficult, even if the change is for the better.” Social worker Myra Herbert claims that frequent moving may result in “failure and misery.” For one thing, children who move a lot “are constantly changing school programs and particularly if academics do not come easily, they give up somewhere along the way.” Leaving behind friends, she notes, “is particularly difficult” for youths.

Coping With the Move

It’s easy to see, then, why the prospect of moving may make you edgy, resentful, or angry. Even so, wallowing in negative feelings will only make things more difficult. You are better off trying to cultivate a positive viewpoint. Negative emotions, such as anxiety or sadness, are perfectly normal under these circumstances. Usually these feelings dissipate in time. In the meantime, try focusing on the benefits of moving.

Anita, previously mentioned, is now 15 and has since moved yet again. “When I moved, I did feel sad,” she recalls. “But then I looked at the positive side​—that I would meet new people and go to interesting places.” She is happy and well adjusted in her new home.

Sometimes, in spite of your best efforts, negative feelings persist. If so, do not ignore them. After all, “a spirit that is stricken” can harm you physically. (Proverbs 17:22) Perhaps you need to give more attention to your need for rest, exercise, or proper nutrition. At the same time, you may need to talk about your feelings, particularly with your parents. (Proverbs 23:26) Let them know your apprehensions and concerns.

For example, are you distressed at having to dispose of cherished belongings because ‘there isn’t enough room’? Or do you feel the move is too close to your school exams and that you are under too much pressure? Whatever your complaint, Proverbs 13:10 reminds us: “By presumptuousness one only causes a struggle, but with those consulting together there is wisdom.” Your parents may agree to make some concessions. If not, at the very least, they can offer you their sympathy, support, and reassurance.

Don’t allow rumors and horror stories about your new home to undermine your efforts to maintain a positive attitude. Says Proverbs 14:15: “Anyone inexperienced puts faith in every word, but the shrewd one considers his steps.” Find out the real story for yourself. Says Anita: “I went to the library and did research on the background and culture of the places we moved to.” Perhaps you can visit your new home ahead of time if you are not moving too far away. This can do much to settle your doubts and get your mind in gear for the move.

Granted, leaving will not be easy. “Before you move,” suggests The Teenager’s Survival Guide to Moving, “make one last visit to your favorite places . . . , and just say good-​bye to them.” You may want to make a photo album or scrapbook to preserve your memories. More important, take the time to say good-​bye to your friends. Assure them that your relationship isn’t over. The apostle John used “paper and ink” to keep in touch with those whom he loved, and so can you! (2 John 12) With determination and effort, even long-​distance friendships can flourish.

In time your tears of farewell will dry, and you will face the challenge of adjusting to your new home​—the topic of an article in our next issue.

[Picture on page 26]

Why not do research ahead of time and learn about your new home?