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When Parents Kidnap

AFTER suffering years of violent beatings and severe emotional abuse at the hands of her husband and then finally being betrayed for another woman, Cheryl sued for divorce.a With full custody of her children granted to her by the courts, calmness slowly settled in as she began putting the pieces of her life back together​—until one day when the phone rang. It was her ex-​husband. He said: “If you want to see your children again, you must agree to remarry me”! Forbidden to return to their mother after their monthlong visit with their father in his native country, Cheryl’s children were kidnapped.

Devastated, Cheryl petitioned the U.S. State Department but found no legal way to recover her children in the other country. The feelings of utter helplessness that she had experienced through years of battering returned. “It’s almost the same thing,” she explains. “You don’t know how to stop it.”

“Psychological Violence”

Parental kidnapping has been termed “a supreme act of psychological violence” perpetrated against a parent and a child. Carolyn Zogg, executive director of Child Find of America, Inc., said regarding such kidnappers: “Many parents who do this are getting even, and they are getting even in the worst possible way and in the most vulnerable area. That’s the area that is the closest to [the parents that have legal custody]​—their jewel, their children. . . . They’re not thinking of the child, only of themselves and the revenge​—getting even, getting back.”

A child’s being kidnapped not only subjects the parent to feelings of rage, loss, helplessness, and anxiety but almost always damages the child’s emotional well-​being to some degree. In some cases a child may be forced to live on the run, avoiding close ties and hearing distortions and lies about the other parent. The experience may produce an array of disorders, such as bed-​wetting, insomnia, clinging behavior, fear of windows and doors, and extreme fright. Even in older children, it can produce grief and rage.

In the United States, there are over 350,000 cases each year in which a parent takes a child in violation of a custody order or fails to return the child in the time allowed. In over 100,000 of these cases, the child is concealed by a family member with the intent to keep him or her permanently from the other parent. Some are taken out of the state or even out of the country.

Other Reasons

Is it always a desire for reconciliation or a vengeful spirit that motivates parents to abduct their children? Michael Knipfing of Child Find explains that some parents fear losing a custody battle with their ex-​spouse and that “out of fear they act preemptively.” Or when custody has been determined and one parent keeps denying the other visitation rights, frustration sets in. Explains Knipfing: “If you love your child and you’re denied seeing your child, you tend to think that you have no other alternative but to grab the child and run.”

He also states that ‘most people do not realize the ramifications of kidnapping a child. They don’t realize they are going to have trouble getting a job. Warrants are out for their arrest. They think the problem is just between them and the other parent. They don’t realize that the police get involved. They need two lawyers instead of one because now they’ve got a criminal charge to deal with as well as the civil problem, which is who gets custody of the child.’

Some parents may suspect that their child is being harmed by the other parent. If the legal system is slow to act, then a desperate parent might act despite the consequences. This was seen in the case of five-​year-​old Hilary Morgan. A child psychiatrist advised that visits between Hilary and her father should stop, calling the evidence of abuse “clear and convincing.” The courts, however, ruled the abuse tentative and prescribed unsupervised visits. Dr. Elizabeth Morgan, Hilary’s mother, in violation of the court, hid her daughter. Much public sympathy is aroused for such a parent who kidnaps and flees for protection.

In the case of Elizabeth Morgan, she lost her surgical practice, spent over two years in prison, and ran up medical and legal debts of more than 1.5 million dollars. She explained to U.S.News & World Report: “The experts tell me that my child would now be permanently insane had I not stopped the abuse. . . . I had to do the job that the court refused to do: Save my child.”

True indeed is the observation made by researchers Greif and Hegar regarding abductions by parents: “These are exceedingly complex events that, like a deep pool of water, look slightly different depending upon the angle; each time one stares into the water something new is seen.”​—When Parents Kidnap—​The Families Behind the Headlines.

In addition to children who are kidnapped by a parent or by a stranger, there are millions of other missing children all over the world​—the throwaways and the runaways. Who are they, and what happens to them?

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