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Young People Ask . . .

Should I Confess My Sin?

“I’m so ashamed, I don’t know what to do. I want to go to my parents, but I’m too ashamed.”—Lisa.a

SO WROTE one distraught young woman. She had been romantically involved with an unbeliever for a period of a few years when one day, under the influence of alcohol, she had sexual relations with him.

Sad to say, such things happen from time to time, even among Christian youths. The younger and more inexperienced we are, the more mistakes we are likely to make. But while it is one thing to make a minor mistake, it is quite another thing to get involved in serious wrongdoing, such as sexual immorality. (1 Corinthians 6:9, 10) When that happens, a youth needs to get help. The problem is that it is not easy to confess one’s errors.

One Christian girl engaged in premarital sex. She decided to confess to her congregation elders, even setting a date on which she would do so. But she pushed the date forward. Later, she pushed the date forward again. Soon, a whole year had passed by!

“Nothing Hidden”

If you have fallen into serious sin, you need to realize that keeping silent is a very bad idea. For one thing, the truth usually comes out anyway. As a small child, Mark broke a ceramic wall decoration. “I tried to glue it carefully back together,” he recalls, “but it wasn’t long before my parents spotted the cracks.” True, you are no longer a child. But most parents can usually sense when something is amiss with their children.

“I tried to cover up my problems with lies,” admits 15-year-old Ann, “but I ended up making things worse.” More often than not, lies are exposed. And when your parents find out that you lied, they are likely to be upset—more upset than they might have been had you come clean to begin with.

Even more important, the Bible says: “There is nothing hidden that will not become manifest, neither anything carefully concealed that will never become known and never come into the open.” (Luke 8:17) Jehovah knows what we have done and what we are doing. You cannot hide from him any more than could Adam. (Genesis 3:8-11) In time, your sins may also be exposed to others.—1 Timothy 5:24.

Keeping silent can harm you in other ways too. The psalmist David wrote: “When I kept silent my bones wore out through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me.” (Psalm 32:3, 4) Yes, the strain of maintaining secrecy can exact a heavy toll emotionally. Anxiety and guilt, as well as the fear of exposure, can make you feel sick at heart. You may begin distancing yourself from friends and family. You may even feel that you have been cut off from God himself! “I had been dealing with a guilty conscience for having saddened Jehovah,” wrote a youth named Andrew. “It was eating at me.”

Breaking the Silence

Is there any way to get relief from this emotional turmoil? Yes, there is! The psalmist said: “My sin I finally confessed to you, and my error I did not cover. . . . And you yourself pardoned the error of my sins.” (Psalm 32:5; compare 1 John 1:9.) Andrew likewise found real relief in confessing his sin. He recalls: “I approached Jehovah and earnestly prayed for his forgiveness.”

You can do the same. Pray to Jehovah. He knows what you have done, but humbly admit it to him in prayer. Ask for forgiveness, not holding back because you feel too wicked to be helped. Jesus died so that we could enjoy a good standing with God in spite of our imperfection. (1 John 2:1, 2) You can also ask for the strength to make needed changes. Reading Psalm 51 may prove particularly helpful to you in making this approach to God.

Telling Your Parents

More is needed, however, than simply confessing to God. You are also obliged to tell your parents. They have been charged by God to raise you “in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) They can do this only if they know your problems. Again, telling your folks may not be easy or pleasant. But after their initial reaction, they will likely control their emotions. They may even be pleased that you have trusted them enough to reveal your problem to them. Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son tells of a young man who fell into sexual immorality. But when he finally confessed, his father welcomed him with open arms! (Luke 15:11-24) No doubt your parents will likewise come to your aid. After all, they still love you.

True, you may fear that you will hurt your parents. But it is not the confession of the sin that hurts your parents; it is the committing of the sin that does so! Confessing is the first step toward soothing that hurt. Ann, mentioned earlier, told her parents and afterward felt tremendous relief.b

Yet another obstacle to confession is shame and embarrassment. The faithful scribe Ezra had not committed the sins himself, but when he confessed the sins of his fellow Jews, he said: “I do feel ashamed and embarrassed to raise my face to you, O my God.” (Ezra 9:6) Really, it is healthy to feel shame when you have done wrong. It indicates that your conscience is still functioning. And in time those feelings of shame will subside. Andrew put it this way: “It is extremely difficult and embarrassing to confess. But to know that Jehovah will forgive in a large way is a relief.”

Calling on the Elders

If you are a Christian, the matter does not end with telling your parents. Says Andrew: “I knew I had to take my problem to the congregation elders. What a relief it was to know that they were there to help me!” Yes, youths among Jehovah’s Witnesses can and should go to the congregation elders for help and encouragement. But why can’t you simply pray to Jehovah and leave it at that? Because Jehovah has entrusted the elders with the responsibility of “keeping watch over your souls.” (Hebrews 13:17) They can help you avoid falling into sin again.—Compare James 5:14-16.

Do not deceive yourself by reasoning that you can help yourself. If you were really strong enough to do that, would you have fallen into sin in the first place? Clearly, you need to seek outside help. Andrew courageously did so. His advice? “I encourage anyone who is involved in a serious sin, or who has been, to open his heart to Jehovah and to one of his shepherds.”

But just how do you approach an elder? Pick one with whom you feel reasonably comfortable. You could begin by saying: “I need to talk about something” or “I have a problem” or even “I have a problem and need your help.” Your being honest and open will go a long way in demonstrating your repentance and desire to change.

‘I’m Afraid of Being Disfellowshipped’

What about that possibility? It is true that committing a serious sin makes one liable to disfellowshipping, but not automatically. Disfellowshipping is for those who refuse to repent—who stubbornly refuse to change. Says Proverbs 28:13: “He that is covering over his transgressions will not succeed, but he that is confessing and leaving them will be shown mercy.” The fact that you have approached the elders for help is evidence of your desire to change. Elders are primarily healers, not punishers. They are obliged to treat God’s people with kindness and dignity. They want to help you make “straight paths for your feet.”—Hebrews 12:13.

Admittedly, where deceit or a long-standing practice of serious wrong is involved, convincing “works that befit repentance” may be lacking. (Acts 26:20) Sometimes disfellowshipping does result. And even where a wrongdoer is repentant, the elders are obliged to impose some form of discipline. Should you become angry or embittered over their decision? At Hebrews 12:5, 6, Paul urges: “My son, do not belittle the discipline from Jehovah, neither give out when you are corrected by him; for whom Jehovah loves he disciplines; in fact, he scourges every one whom he receives as a son.” Whatever discipline you receive, view it as evidence that God loves you. Remember, genuine repentance will restore you to a proper relationship with our merciful Father, Jehovah God.

It takes courage to own up to your mistakes. But by doing so, you can set matters straight not only with your parents but with Jehovah God himself. Do not let fear, pride, or embarrassment keep you from getting help. Remember: Jehovah “will forgive in a large way.”—Isaiah 55:7.

[Footnotes]

[Blurb on page 12]

‘I encourage all who have sinned to open their hearts to Jehovah.’—Andrew

[Picture on page 11]

Confessing to your parents can lead to spiritual recovery