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00:01 It feels so good 00:03 to be with my family and friends. 00:06 When I’m with the brothers and sisters in our congregation, 00:09 it’s the best place I could be. 00:12 My children and I are so happy now. 00:15 But it hasn’t always been this way. 00:23 My parents were missionaries when my mom got pregnant with me. 00:28 Mom and Dad were very zealous, 00:30 and people just assumed that I would follow in their footsteps. 00:36 And for a while, I did. 00:39 I was the model child 00:41 who was always held up as an example. 00:44 Sure, the attention boosted my self-confidence, 00:49 but it also put me under enormous pressure. 00:53 It was like everyone was watching me, 00:56 and I couldn’t make a mistake. 01:02 In my mid-teens, 01:04 I began to feel torn. 01:08 I liked the truth, 01:10 but I felt so confined. 01:15 I didn’t tell anyone how I felt. 01:18 I just pretended that everything was all right 01:20 and went through the motions. 01:27 I envied kids who didn’t have to live 01:30 under so many restrictions. 01:35 And if they got the truth later in life, 01:37 they got to experience 01:39 the best of both worlds. 01:47 I thought maybe things would improve 01:49 after I graduated high school. 01:56 But then, at my new job, 01:59 I met Eric. 02:02 He truly understood me. 02:08 He made me feel special, 02:12 and I loved him. 02:16 I loved him. 02:20 In many ways, 02:22 I felt free. 02:26 For the first time in my life, 02:28 I could just do what I wanted. 02:34 It wasn’t long before our relationship became 02:38 intimate. 02:39 I felt guilt at first, 02:43 but after a while it just seemed 02:46 that this is what two people who love each other do. 02:50 And I was willing to give up everything for him 02:54 —everything. 03:04 Looking back, 03:06 my parents tried hard to do the right thing 03:09 —to do things Jehovah’s way. 03:14 But because I didn’t have a hatred for what’s bad, 03:17 I couldn’t see anything wrong 03:19 with my choices. 03:23 This eventually led me to do things I later regretted. 03:27 I ended up getting disfellowshipped. 03:30 Sonja Ericsson has been disfellowshipped. 03:35 It crushed my whole family. 03:48 Later, my father explained to me 03:50 that I couldn’t remain in the home 03:52 because I refused to change my lifestyle. 03:55 He told me I was having 03:57 a negative effect on my younger brother and sister. 04:00 Then I’m out of this house. 04:07 I was determined to do what I wanted. 04:11 When I left home that day, 04:14 all I could think about was Eric. 04:17 I didn’t even care 04:20 that my parents’ hearts were breaking. 04:29 I didn’t think about the devastation 04:31 and disappointment that I had caused them. 04:38 I blamed my parents for my situation. 04:42 I even blamed Jehovah. 04:47 My family missed me so much 04:51 even after all I had done. 04:55 What helped them to remain loyal to Jehovah 04:58 for the many years that I was disfellowshipped? 05:01 It was the Bible account of Aaron. 05:04 Jehovah directly judged two of Aaron’s sons 05:08 and put them to death. 05:09 In this case, 05:11 Jehovah asked Aaron and his family not to mourn 05:14 in order to show the entire nation 05:16 that they supported Jehovah’s judgment. 05:20 Mom and Dad saw that they needed to be loyal 05:22 just like Aaron. 05:25 They loved me 05:28 and wanted me to come back to Jehovah. 05:30 I tried to contact them. 05:32 I just wanted to talk and to hear their voice. 05:38 I missed being with my family. 05:41 And they thought about reaching out to me. 05:45 But they knew that if they had associated with me 05:48 even a little, just to check on me, 05:50 that small dose of association 05:53 might have satisfied me. 05:55 It could have made me think 05:58 that there was no need to return to Jehovah. 06:06 I was disfellowshipped for more than 15 years. 06:10 I had two children now, 06:12 and as time went by, 06:14 I thought about their future. 06:17 I thought more and more about returning to Jehovah 06:21 and the congregation. 06:23 But I didn’t feel worthy. 06:26 One day, two elders stopped by and kindly reminded me 06:31 that Jehovah wants me to return to him. 06:33 They showed me Psalm 86:5, 06:37 where it says that Jehovah is “ready to forgive.” 06:42 I thought about that verse the rest of the day: 06:45 Jehovah is “ready to forgive.” 06:49 So I decided to go to the Kingdom Hall 06:52 for the first time in many years. 06:54 . . . a feeling of remorse is healthy. 06:56 It can move us to take positive steps to correct our mistakes. 06:59 It made me realize 07:01 just how far off track I had gotten. 07:05 I was determined 07:07 to qualify for reinstatement. 07:10 Nearly a year later, 07:12 my reinstatement 07:14 was announced to the congregation. 07:17 Sonja Ericsson is reinstated 07:19 as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. 07:25 I was so happy. 07:32 The brothers and sisters welcomed me very warmly. 07:38 Being back together again 07:40 with my family and Jehovah 07:43 made me feel so good. 07:46 I knew this is where I needed to be, 07:49 and I didn’t ever want to leave again. 07:55 But when I’m alone, 07:57 I struggle with whether Jehovah has really forgiven me. 08:02 One time, I was so distraught 08:05 that I called my father for help. 08:09 He comforted me with the words of Isaiah 1:18, 08:13 where Jehovah says that our sins, 08:16 which are like scarlet or crimson cloth, 08:18 can become white like snow. 08:24 Then my father related the Bible account of Manasseh. 08:27 Manasseh “did on a grand scale 08:31 what was bad in Jehovah’s eyes, to offend him.” 08:34 He even sacrificed his sons in false worship. 08:38 Eventually, Manasseh genuinely repented 08:43 and Jehovah forgave him. 08:47 This Bible account touched me deeply. 08:52 Now, I have to be willing to forgive myself. 08:56 If Jehovah was willing 08:59 to forgive the sins of Manasseh, 09:01 as bad as they were, 09:03 surely he has forgiven me. 09:07 What a blessing to understand 09:10 that Jehovah forgives in a large way, 09:14 and now I’m truly happy!
00:01 It feels so good 00:03 to be with my family and friends. 00:06 When I’m with the brothers and sisters in our congregation, 00:09 it’s the best place I could be. 00:12 My children and I are so happy now. 00:15 But it hasn’t always been this way. 00:23 My parents were missionaries when my mom got pregnant with me. 00:28 Mom and Dad were very zealous, 00:30 and people just assumed that I would follow in their footsteps. 00:36 And for a while, I did. 00:39 I was the model child 00:41 who was always held up as an example. 00:44 Sure, the attention boosted my self-confidence, 00:49 but it also put me under enormous pressure. 00:53 It was like everyone was watching me, 00:56 and I couldn’t make a mistake. 01:02 In my mid-teens, 01:04 I began to feel torn. 01:08 I liked the truth, 01:10 but I felt so confined. 01:15 I didn’t tell anyone how I felt. 01:18 I just pretended that everything was all right 01:20 and went through the motions. 01:27 I envied kids who didn’t have to live 01:30 under so many restrictions. 01:35 And if they got the truth later in life, 01:37 they got to experience 01:39 the best of both worlds. 01:47 I thought maybe things would improve 01:49 after I graduated high school. 01:56 But then, at my new job, 01:59 I met Eric. 02:02 He truly understood me. 02:08 He made me feel special, 02:12 and I loved him. 02:16 I loved him. 02:20 In many ways, 02:22 I felt free. 02:26 For the first time in my life, 02:28 I could just do what I wanted. 02:34 It wasn’t long before our relationship became 02:38 intimate. 02:39 I felt guilt at first, 02:43 but after a while it just seemed 02:46 that this is what two people who love each other do. 02:50 And I was willing to give up everything for him 02:54 —everything. 03:04 Looking back, 03:06 my parents tried hard to do the right thing 03:09 —to do things Jehovah’s way. 03:14 But because I didn’t have a hatred for what’s bad, 03:17 I couldn’t see anything wrong 03:19 with my choices. 03:23 This eventually led me to do things I later regretted. 03:27 I ended up getting disfellowshipped. 03:30 Sonja Ericsson has been disfellowshipped. 03:35 It crushed my whole family. 03:48 Later, my father explained to me 03:50 that I couldn’t remain in the home 03:52 because I refused to change my lifestyle. 03:55 He told me I was having 03:57 a negative effect on my younger brother and sister. 04:00 Then I’m out of this house. 04:07 I was determined to do what I wanted. 04:11 When I left home that day, 04:14 all I could think about was Eric. 04:17 I didn’t even care 04:20 that my parents’ hearts were breaking. 04:29 I didn’t think about the devastation 04:31 and disappointment that I had caused them. 04:38 I blamed my parents for my situation. 04:42 I even blamed Jehovah. 04:47 My family missed me so much 04:51 even after all I had done. 04:55 What helped them to remain loyal to Jehovah 04:58 for the many years that I was disfellowshipped? 05:01 It was the Bible account of Aaron. 05:04 Jehovah directly judged two of Aaron’s sons 05:08 and put them to death. 05:09 In this case, 05:11 Jehovah asked Aaron and his family not to mourn 05:14 in order to show the entire nation 05:16 that they supported Jehovah’s judgment. 05:20 Mom and Dad saw that they needed to be loyal 05:22 just like Aaron. 05:25 They loved me 05:28 and wanted me to come back to Jehovah. 05:30 I tried to contact them. 05:32 I just wanted to talk and to hear their voice. 05:38 I missed being with my family. 05:41 And they thought about reaching out to me. 05:45 But they knew that if they had associated with me 05:48 even a little, just to check on me, 05:50 that small dose of association 05:53 might have satisfied me. 05:55 It could have made me think 05:58 that there was no need to return to Jehovah. 06:06 I was disfellowshipped for more than 15 years. 06:10 I had two children now, 06:12 and as time went by, 06:14 I thought about their future. 06:17 I thought more and more about returning to Jehovah 06:21 and the congregation. 06:23 But I didn’t feel worthy. 06:26 One day, two elders stopped by and kindly reminded me 06:31 that Jehovah wants me to return to him. 06:33 They showed me Psalm 86:5, 06:37 where it says that Jehovah is “ready to forgive.” 06:42 I thought about that verse the rest of the day: 06:45 Jehovah is “ready to forgive.” 06:49 So I decided to go to the Kingdom Hall 06:52 for the first time in many years. 06:54 . . . a feeling of remorse is healthy. 06:56 It can move us to take positive steps to correct our mistakes. 06:59 It made me realize 07:01 just how far off track I had gotten. 07:05 I was determined 07:07 to qualify for reinstatement. 07:10 Nearly a year later, 07:12 my reinstatement 07:14 was announced to the congregation. 07:17 Sonja Ericsson is reinstated 07:19 as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. 07:25 I was so happy. 07:32 The brothers and sisters welcomed me very warmly. 07:38 Being back together again 07:40 with my family and Jehovah 07:43 made me feel so good. 07:46 I knew this is where I needed to be, 07:49 and I didn’t ever want to leave again. 07:55 But when I’m alone, 07:57 I struggle with whether Jehovah has really forgiven me. 08:02 One time, I was so distraught 08:05 that I called my father for help. 08:09 He comforted me with the words of Isaiah 1:18, 08:13 where Jehovah says that our sins, 08:16 which are like scarlet or crimson cloth, 08:18 can become white like snow. 08:24 Then my father related the Bible account of Manasseh. 08:27 Manasseh “did on a grand scale 08:31 what was bad in Jehovah’s eyes, to offend him.” 08:34 He even sacrificed his sons in false worship. 08:38 Eventually, Manasseh genuinely repented 08:43 and Jehovah forgave him. 08:47 This Bible account touched me deeply. 08:52 Now, I have to be willing to forgive myself. 08:56 If Jehovah was willing 08:59 to forgive the sins of Manasseh, 09:01 as bad as they were, 09:03 surely he has forgiven me. 09:07 What a blessing to understand 09:10 that Jehovah forgives in a large way, 09:14 and now I’m truly happy!
