00:00:09 We knew when we first got married that we would enjoy having a family.
00:00:13 So when we first found out
00:00:15 that we were pregnant, we were overjoyed.
00:00:19 When Becky first told me she was pregnant,
00:00:21 it’s like a light switch went off in my heart.
00:00:24 Immediately, I felt like a dad.
00:00:28 Instantly, you begin to make plans.
00:00:32 It was like all this love
00:00:34 just flooded in.
00:00:38 One day, Becky was feeling a little off,
00:00:41 and a friend encouraged us, “Just go see the doctor.”
00:00:43 So we did.
00:00:44 And while we were there, they did an ultrasound.
00:00:48 The doctor came back
00:00:50 and they said there wasn’t a heartbeat anymore.
00:00:56 That was a very difficult moment
00:01:01 —something I can never forget.
00:01:04 Because all of a sudden, all of those hopes,
00:01:09 those dreams, those preparations you are making
00:01:14 —they’re gone.
00:01:19 This place in your heart that opened up to make room for this child
00:01:25 is now this huge, gaping, open hole
00:01:30 and there’s nothing to fill it.
00:01:35 It just is incredible emptiness.
00:01:39 We didn’t know what to do.
00:01:42 But it was a meeting night,
00:01:46 so we wanted to go to the meeting.
00:01:48 It felt like the place where Jehovah’s holy spirit is,
00:01:51 and we wanted to be there because we knew
00:01:54 we were not going to be able to survive this on our own strength.
00:01:58 We needed Jehovah.
00:02:01 After people learned that we had lost
00:02:05 the baby, so many people
00:02:07 shared a little bit of their experiences with me,
00:02:09 which made us feel not alone, for sure.
00:02:13 But Jehovah has also given us some incredible friends
00:02:17 —friends who have stuck closer to us
00:02:20 than a brother, friends who always seem to know
00:02:22 when we’re having a hard day, who have prayed with us,
00:02:25 who have taken walks with us, listened.
00:02:29 And I know those are expressions Jehovah has given us.
00:02:34 Regaining joy is a work in progress.
00:02:39 There was a particular scripture in my personal study
00:02:42 that I found very helpful, Psalm 139, where it talks
00:02:47 about how there’s nowhere
00:02:49 that Jehovah can’t find us.
00:02:53 There’s no darkness that is too dark for Jehovah.
00:02:55 And it felt like such a dark place.
00:02:58 Dwelling on that scripture was something that helped me a lot.
00:03:02 And gradually, bit by bit,
00:03:04 I felt like Jehovah did help me
00:03:06 to see beautiful things again.
