00:00:01 Which has greater appeal
00:00:03 —an effective counselor or a loving shepherd?
00:00:07 If you’re to be effective, brothers and sisters,
00:00:10 in strengthening the organization and building up the brotherhood,
00:00:15 it’s a good subject to consider.
00:00:17 And it includes you sisters too.
00:00:21 A counselor can be defined as one who gives advice.
00:00:25 Now, the world has a lot of counselors.
00:00:27 They’ve got marriage counselors and financial counselors
00:00:31 and bereavement counselors and all kinds of counselors.
00:00:35 And you’ll find that their counsel varies
00:00:39 according to their experience and education.
00:00:43 Ahithophel is a Biblical example of a counselor,
00:00:48 and the Bible says what he advised
00:00:50 was “considered as the word of the true God.”
00:00:54 Today, a person might feel that he’s a good counselor,
00:00:58 and he may freely offer advice,
00:01:01 some of which
00:01:02 may or may not be accepted.
00:01:12 Maybe a solution-oriented husband
00:01:15 counsels his emotionally distraught wife
00:01:18 to just quit worrying.
00:01:21 Or a well-versed elder quickly reads a Bible text,
00:01:24 and he advises an extremely anxiety-filled publisher
00:01:27 to just get over it.
00:01:31 How effective is such counsel?
00:01:34 There’s a saying, People don’t care how much you know
00:01:38 until they know how much you care.
00:01:43 Counsel is more effective when the counselor is also a shepherd.
00:01:48 A shepherd is one who comforts, nourishes, listens,
00:01:52 and does not ignore the emotional needs of the distraught one.
00:01:57 Jehovah gives counsel, or advice, but he always does more.
00:02:02 You see, he also shepherds.
00:02:05 When he counsels,
00:02:07 he tends to the person’s emotional needs
00:02:10 and he provides the needed follow-up.
00:02:13 Consider how he dealt
00:02:15 with an emotionally depressed prophet
00:02:19 by the name of Elijah.
00:02:22 I’m turning to 1 Kings 19,
00:02:26 and we’re going to consider just briefly
00:02:29 the interaction he had with Elijah.
00:02:31 And you will recall that he was driven by fear.
00:02:35 Elijah was driven by fear of Jezebel.
00:02:38 Elijah fled southward
00:02:40 for 95 miles (150 km) to Beer-sheba,
00:02:44 and then he walked for about another
200 miles (320 km) to Mount Horeb.
00:02:49 But now notice in verse 5, it says:
00:02:53 “Then he [that is, Elijah]
00:02:55 “lay down and fell asleep under the broom tree.
00:02:59 “But suddenly an angel touched him and said to him:
00:03:03 “‘Get up and eat.’
00:03:05 “When he looked, there at his head was a round loaf on heated stones
00:03:09 “and a jug of water.
00:03:11 “He ate and drank and lay down again.
00:03:15 “Later the angel of Jehovah came back a second time
00:03:19 “and touched him and said:
00:03:20 “‘Get up and eat, for the journey will be too much for you.’
00:03:25 “So he got up and ate and drank,
00:03:27 “and in the strength of that nourishment
00:03:30 “he went on for 40 days and 40 nights
00:03:34 until he reached Horeb, the mountain of the true God.”
00:03:41 You notice,
00:03:43 the angel awakened Elijah;
00:03:49 ministered to him;
00:03:51 and Elijah went back to sleep, like depressed ones often do.
00:03:55 Maybe the angel waited all night
00:03:57 and then he touched Elijah again
00:04:01 and then gave him more nourishment
00:04:04 —nourishment that would take him
40 days and 40 nights
00:04:08 on his journey to Mount Horeb.
00:04:12 Now, here’s a question you have to ask yourself:
00:04:16 Do you think that that angel agreed
00:04:19 with the way Elijah was acting?
00:04:23 Do you think the angel might have wanted to give a little counsel
00:04:27 and tell Elijah: “Look, Elijah, just get over it.
00:04:33 Just trust God and get back to your assignment”?
00:04:38 But he didn’t.
00:04:40 Do you think Jehovah knew how Elijah was thinking?
00:04:44 Do you think he agreed with it?
00:04:47 No, definitely not.
00:04:49 See, a counselor may have handled it one way,
00:04:52 but Jehovah —“the God of all comfort”—
00:04:55 would first address Elijah’s emotional needs.
00:05:00 So when Elijah finally entered the cave at Mount Horeb,
00:05:05 do you remember what Jehovah did?
00:05:08 In a calm, low, gentle voice,
00:05:12 he said: ‘Eijah, what is your business here?’
00:05:16 And that was a warm invitation for Elijah to express himself.
00:05:20 ‘Just talk to me,’ you see.
00:05:23 And so Elijah did.
00:05:24 Look in verse 10, and see what it was that Elijah said.
00:05:28 He said: “I have been absolutely zealous for Jehovah the God of armies;
00:05:32 for the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant.”
00:05:36 So Elijah felt like his work was in vain.
00:05:39 And then he said: “I’m the only one left.”
00:05:42 Elijah felt alone.
00:05:44 And he said: “They are seeking to take [me away, take] my life away.”
00:05:49 So Elijah was also afraid.
00:05:52 Well, Jehovah heard what he said,
00:05:54 and he addressed all of Elijah’s concerns.
00:05:58 And then afterward,
00:06:00 he gave Elijah the encouragement
00:06:03 that would allow him to continue on in Jehovah’s service
00:06:06 with boldness.
00:06:09 So, what can we learn from this brief experience?
00:06:13 Well, we learned that Jehovah validated the man’s emotions
00:06:16 without agreeing with his thinking.
00:06:19 And we also learned that it’s often not necessary
00:06:23 to offer a quick solution.
00:06:25 Simply allowing a person to express themselves
00:06:28 without feeling judged
00:06:31 can bring tremendous relief.
00:06:35 In fact, friends,
00:06:37 being heard is so close to being loved
00:06:41 that for the average person, it’s indistinguishable.
00:06:46 Like Jehovah, we’ll be more effective if we’re patient shepherds that listen
00:06:51 and give thoughtful consideration
00:06:53 to the feelings of those that we’re seeking to help.
00:06:58 So here are four takeaway points, OK?
00:07:01 Number one:
00:07:04 Be a listener, not a lecturer.
00:07:07 Show empathy.
00:07:09 And remember, empathy is seeing with the eyes of another,
00:07:14 hearing with the ears of another,
00:07:16 and feeling with the heart of another.
00:07:20 It’s easy, friends, for imperfect humans
00:07:23 to take themselves too seriously,
00:07:26 especially when they’re given a position of responsibility.
00:07:31 So at times
00:07:33 it may even be best to refrain from offering counsel too soon
00:07:38 because that creates an air of superiority.
00:07:44 Conversely, a willingness to hear
00:07:47 even “wild talk” from another
00:07:50 will reveal the depth of our own humility.
00:07:54 Point number two:
00:07:56 Validate people’s emotions, and don’t just dismiss them.
00:08:01 Feelings are real,
00:08:03 so know the difference between validating and invalidating statements.
00:08:09 “I can see why you would feel that way.
00:08:11 That must be really hard.”
00:08:14 You see, when we listen with empathy,
00:08:17 what we’re really saying is:
00:08:19 “You matter to me.
00:08:23 You’re important, and I care how you feel.”
00:08:28 Additionally, when you validate the other person,
00:08:31 they become significantly more likely
00:08:34 to listen to advice or counsel later.
00:08:39 Remember, there is a difference between—
00:08:43 And by the way, let me just say this:
00:08:47 Counsel is not necessarily good just because it’s accurate.
00:08:52 Frankly, how you give it and when you give it is important.
00:08:57 So try to remember that.
00:08:59 Just because it’s accurate, doesn’t make it good.
00:09:02 And there’s a difference too between validating and devastating.
00:09:07 “You know, you’re too sensitive.”
00:09:11 “What’s the big deal?”
00:09:13 “I don’t want to hear it.”
00:09:15 “I don’t have time for this.”
00:09:17 “You need to work on your spirituality.”
00:09:21 Now, although we may not mean it,
00:09:24 this can translate into: “You’re not important.
00:09:29 “Your feelings aren’t important.
00:09:31 And frankly, I don’t really care.”
00:09:35 Point number three:
00:09:36 Acknowledge a vulnerability.
00:09:39 Sharing personal thoughts and emotions can be difficult,
00:09:43 uncomfortable, and even scary.
00:09:46 But I think that we’re encouraged to develop fellow feeling.
00:09:52 And finally, point number four:
00:09:54 Offering counsel is entirely optional.
00:09:57 How many of us, brothers, have been on a shepherding call,
00:10:00 and we’ve said virtually nothing?
00:10:02 And the publisher, the brother or sister, afterward says:
00:10:07 “You know what?
00:10:08 That was the best shepherding call I ever had.”
00:10:12 So, what some may need is not some solution for the problem
00:10:16 but simply to talk to a good listener
00:10:18 —someone who will not tell them how they’re supposed to feel,
00:10:22 but will listen without being judgmental.
00:10:26 The saying is, friends, Time is life.
00:10:30 If we won’t give a brother our time,
00:10:32 do you really think we would give our life for him?
00:10:37 So when we ‘show favor to the lowly one’ by giving him time and attention,
00:10:42 we are, in fact, “lending to Jehovah.”
00:10:44 And the Bible says that “he will repay” us in our time of need.
00:10:49 So weave counsel and shepherding together,
00:10:53 and you’ll be treasured by all those around you and, most of all,
00:10:57 by Jehovah God and Jesus Christ.
