The content displayed below is for educational and archival purposes only.Unless stated otherwise, content is © Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania
You may be able to find the original on wol.jw.org
Video above © Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania
00:00:01 A brother feels guilty 00:00:03 because he did things before his baptism. 00:00:06 A parent feels guilty 00:00:08 because his children left the truth. 00:00:11 A sister feels guilty 00:00:13 because she divorced her unfaithful husband. 00:00:16 What do all these people have in common? 00:00:19 They suffer from inappropriate guilt. 00:00:23 Now, a comedian joked, 00:00:25 “Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.” 00:00:29 Why is it that religious people carry so much guilt? 00:00:33 And can anything good come from it? 00:00:36 The Bible, of course, associates guilt 00:00:40 with laws, sin, and transgression. 00:00:43 Open your Bibles with me to Galatians 3:19, 00:00:48 and notice the effect the Mosaic Law had on the Israelites. 00:00:54 Paul says: “Why, then, the Law? 00:00:58 It was added to make transgressions manifest.” 00:01:02 So the Law reminded God’s people every day 00:01:06 that they were sinners. 00:01:08 Jehovah’s Law was perfect. 00:01:09 No one could live up to it. 00:01:11 So for the Israelites, feeling guilty was inescapable. 00:01:16 Now, why would Jehovah do that? 00:01:18 Why give them the Law to make them feel guilty? 00:01:22 Well, there were at least three reasons. 00:01:25 First, we should feel guilty when we’ve done something wrong. 00:01:29 It reminds us of Jehovah’s position as Universal Sovereign 00:01:34 and of his righteous standards, 00:01:36 and it confirms that our conscience is working. 00:01:40 Second, we can all admit that there are times 00:01:44 when we may not have done something wrong yet, 00:01:48 but we may be wanting to 00:01:51 and, at that point, guilt is our friend. 00:01:54 In some ways, it’s like physical pain. 00:01:57 Physical pain makes us aware of a potential health problem, 00:02:01 and the emotional pain of guilt alerts us to the fact 00:02:06 that there may be potential moral or spiritual problems. 00:02:10 And finally, third, when someone confesses his guilt, 00:02:15 it helps both the wrongdoer and the victim. 00:02:18 Confession brings the guilty person relief through forgiveness, 00:02:23 and it makes the victim feel better 00:02:25 when he sees that the guilty one loves them enough to apologize. 00:02:30 Unfortunately, 00:02:33 we can feel guilty even without being guilty. 00:02:38 And inappropriate guilt often leads people 00:02:41 to emotional distress and sometimes even harsh self-criticism. 00:02:46 So let’s consider three situations 00:02:49 where inappropriate guilt can paralyze us 00:02:52 and also what we can do to get rid of it. 00:02:55 The first situation is what we might call “persistent guilt.” 00:03:00 This is guilt for something you did and repented over 00:03:05 —even received forgiveness for— 00:03:07 but you can’t forgive yourself. 00:03:10 So you continue to ruminate over the matter, 00:03:13 and it saps your joy and strength. 00:03:15 What can you do? 00:03:17 Well, consider the apostle Paul. 00:03:20 There were times when the things he did in the past upset him. 00:03:25 How did he handle those feelings? 00:03:28 To answer, let’s read together 00:03:30 1 Corinthians 15:9, 10. 00:03:35 As we know, 00:03:38 Paul (before he was baptized) persecuted Christ’s brothers. 00:03:43 He even supported the stoning of Stephen. 00:03:46 How do you think those memories made him feel? 00:03:49 Well, notice what he says in verse 9: 00:03:53 “For I am the least of the apostles, 00:03:56 “and I am not worthy of being called an apostle, 00:03:59 because I persecuted the congregation of God.” 00:04:04 Now, when you’re in a position of responsibility like Paul was, 00:04:09 feelings of unworthiness like this can be devastating. 00:04:13 Satan tries to make you doubt yourself 00:04:17 —whether you still have God’s approval in your life. 00:04:20 And he often does this when you’re most vulnerable 00:04:24 —when you’re already crushed under the weight 00:04:26 of your own failures and disappointments. 00:04:30 But Paul didn’t let these feelings defeat him. 00:04:34 He didn’t give in to the pressure. 00:04:36 Notice what he says next in verse 10: 00:04:40 “But by God’s undeserved kindness I am what I am. 00:04:45 “And his undeserved kindness to me was not in vain, 00:04:49 “but I labored more than all of them; 00:04:51 “yet it was not I, 00:04:54 but the undeserved kindness of God that is with me.” 00:04:57 So Paul realized 00:05:00 that Jehovah accepted him for what he was, 00:05:03 and he knew that he couldn’t change whatever happened in the past, 00:05:07 no matter how much he might want to. 00:05:10 He accepted God’s undeserved kindness, 00:05:14 and he let Jehovah use him. 00:05:16 Well, like Paul, we’ve repented over our past sins. 00:05:20 We’ve confessed them to the extent necessary. 00:05:24 So we can be sure, too, 00:05:26 that Jehovah will be merciful with us. 00:05:29 Why? 00:05:30 Because Jehovah promises that he forgives in a large way. 00:05:35 So we can take him at his word and accept his forgiveness. 00:05:40 Now, we might refer to a second situation 00:05:44 that makes people suffer as “compassion guilt.” 00:05:48 This is feeling guilty 00:05:51 because you didn’t do enough to help someone. 00:05:55 And caregivers often struggle with feelings like this. 00:05:59 Even when they’re doing all they can to help, 00:06:03 they sometimes feel guilty about not being able to do more. 00:06:06 One sister who was caring for her elderly parents said, 00:06:11 “Having to say ‘I can’t take care of you anymore’ 00:06:16 is extremely difficult.” 00:06:19 What can help those in this situation? 00:06:23 Well, notice what Ecclesiastes 7:16 says 00:06:28 we should all avoid: 00:06:31 “Do not be overly righteous, 00:06:34 “nor show yourself excessively wise. 00:06:37 Why should you bring ruin to yourself?” 00:06:42 Another way we could put this is: 00:06:45 Avoid becoming a perfectionist. 00:06:49 Conscientiousness can easily deteriorate into perfectionism. 00:06:54 If we’re trying to do more than we want to, 00:06:57 can do, or even should do, 00:07:00 then we’re only setting ourselves up 00:07:03 for disappointment and failure. 00:07:05 To illustrate, some people see caregiving 00:07:10 as a way to repay their parents for all they did while they were growing up. 00:07:15 But if we see it that way, 00:07:18 we’re always going to feel guilty 00:07:20 because we can never fully repay our parents. 00:07:24 Acting out of guilt will only drain us over time 00:07:28 and make us less effective as a caregiver. 00:07:32 What can we do instead? 00:07:34 We can share the load. 00:07:36 Family, friends, neighbors, and professionals can be of help. 00:07:41 But we have to ask for help, 00:07:44 and we have to ask directly for it. 00:07:47 Hints seldom work. 00:07:49 It may surprise us who and how many 00:07:54 are willing to pitch in if we make our needs known. 00:07:59 Finally, a third situation 00:08:01 that’s paralyzing for some is “imagined guilt.” 00:08:06 This is guilt over something you think you did but didn’t. 00:08:11 For example, Theresa’s daughter died in a car accident, 00:08:15 and she says, “I felt guilty 00:08:17 that I had sent her out that night on an errand.” 00:08:21 Another sister says, 00:08:23 “The guilt that you feel during a divorce, 00:08:25 “even if you’re not the guilty party, 00:08:28 can be overwhelming.” 00:08:30 What can someone do in this situation? 00:08:34 First, it’s important not to bottle up those emotions. 00:08:37 Share your feelings with a friend who’ll really listen to you. 00:08:41 Allow them to reassure you 00:08:43 that irrational feelings are common, 00:08:46 especially when you’re grieving. 00:08:49 But second, no matter how much we love someone, 00:08:54 we can’t control his or her life. 00:08:57 Remember what Ecclesiastes 9:11 says, 00:09:02 and this is true for all of us: 00:09:05 “I have seen something further under the sun, 00:09:10 “that the swift do not always win the race, 00:09:13 “nor do the mighty win the battle, 00:09:15 “nor do the wise always have the food, 00:09:18 “nor do the intelligent always have the riches, 00:09:21 “nor do those with knowledge always have success, 00:09:24 “because time and unexpected events 00:09:28 overtake them all.” 00:09:31 So we are not to blame for things we cannot control. 00:09:36 Before you accuse yourself of wrongdoing, 00:09:39 make sure that wrongdoing actually took place. 00:09:43 Talk it over with a trusted friend, 00:09:45 and refocus your thoughts on the future. 00:09:48 Reflecting on all kinds of “if onlys” 00:09:52 won’t change anything, and it may slow down your recovery. 00:09:57 Don’t let inappropriate guilt control your life. 00:10:01 So in review, a guilty conscience 00:10:04 can and should move us 00:10:07 to confess our sins and to take positive action, 00:10:11 but inappropriate guilt is dangerous. 00:10:14 It can crush our spirit and keep us from giving our best to Jehovah. 00:10:19 Don’t let guilt paralyze you. 00:10:22 Concentrate all your energies 00:10:24 on what you can do right now and on what lies ahead.
00:00:01 A brother feels guilty 00:00:03 because he did things before his baptism. 00:00:06 A parent feels guilty 00:00:08 because his children left the truth. 00:00:11 A sister feels guilty 00:00:13 because she divorced her unfaithful husband. 00:00:16 What do all these people have in common? 00:00:19 They suffer from inappropriate guilt. 00:00:23 Now, a comedian joked, 00:00:25 “Religion is basically guilt with different holidays.” 00:00:29 Why is it that religious people carry so much guilt? 00:00:33 And can anything good come from it? 00:00:36 The Bible, of course, associates guilt 00:00:40 with laws, sin, and transgression. 00:00:43 Open your Bibles with me to Galatians 3:19, 00:00:48 and notice the effect the Mosaic Law had on the Israelites. 00:00:54 Paul says: “Why, then, the Law? 00:00:58 It was added to make transgressions manifest.” 00:01:02 So the Law reminded God’s people every day 00:01:06 that they were sinners. 00:01:08 Jehovah’s Law was perfect. 00:01:09 No one could live up to it. 00:01:11 So for the Israelites, feeling guilty was inescapable. 00:01:16 Now, why would Jehovah do that? 00:01:18 Why give them the Law to make them feel guilty? 00:01:22 Well, there were at least three reasons. 00:01:25 First, we should feel guilty when we’ve done something wrong. 00:01:29 It reminds us of Jehovah’s position as Universal Sovereign 00:01:34 and of his righteous standards, 00:01:36 and it confirms that our conscience is working. 00:01:40 Second, we can all admit that there are times 00:01:44 when we may not have done something wrong yet, 00:01:48 but we may be wanting to 00:01:51 and, at that point, guilt is our friend. 00:01:54 In some ways, it’s like physical pain. 00:01:57 Physical pain makes us aware of a potential health problem, 00:02:01 and the emotional pain of guilt alerts us to the fact 00:02:06 that there may be potential moral or spiritual problems. 00:02:10 And finally, third, when someone confesses his guilt, 00:02:15 it helps both the wrongdoer and the victim. 00:02:18 Confession brings the guilty person relief through forgiveness, 00:02:23 and it makes the victim feel better 00:02:25 when he sees that the guilty one loves them enough to apologize. 00:02:30 Unfortunately, 00:02:33 we can feel guilty even without being guilty. 00:02:38 And inappropriate guilt often leads people 00:02:41 to emotional distress and sometimes even harsh self-criticism. 00:02:46 So let’s consider three situations 00:02:49 where inappropriate guilt can paralyze us 00:02:52 and also what we can do to get rid of it. 00:02:55 The first situation is what we might call “persistent guilt.” 00:03:00 This is guilt for something you did and repented over 00:03:05 —even received forgiveness for— 00:03:07 but you can’t forgive yourself. 00:03:10 So you continue to ruminate over the matter, 00:03:13 and it saps your joy and strength. 00:03:15 What can you do? 00:03:17 Well, consider the apostle Paul. 00:03:20 There were times when the things he did in the past upset him. 00:03:25 How did he handle those feelings? 00:03:28 To answer, let’s read together 00:03:30 1 Corinthians 15:9, 10. 00:03:35 As we know, 00:03:38 Paul (before he was baptized) persecuted Christ’s brothers. 00:03:43 He even supported the stoning of Stephen. 00:03:46 How do you think those memories made him feel? 00:03:49 Well, notice what he says in verse 9: 00:03:53 “For I am the least of the apostles, 00:03:56 “and I am not worthy of being called an apostle, 00:03:59 because I persecuted the congregation of God.” 00:04:04 Now, when you’re in a position of responsibility like Paul was, 00:04:09 feelings of unworthiness like this can be devastating. 00:04:13 Satan tries to make you doubt yourself 00:04:17 —whether you still have God’s approval in your life. 00:04:20 And he often does this when you’re most vulnerable 00:04:24 —when you’re already crushed under the weight 00:04:26 of your own failures and disappointments. 00:04:30 But Paul didn’t let these feelings defeat him. 00:04:34 He didn’t give in to the pressure. 00:04:36 Notice what he says next in verse 10: 00:04:40 “But by God’s undeserved kindness I am what I am. 00:04:45 “And his undeserved kindness to me was not in vain, 00:04:49 “but I labored more than all of them; 00:04:51 “yet it was not I, 00:04:54 but the undeserved kindness of God that is with me.” 00:04:57 So Paul realized 00:05:00 that Jehovah accepted him for what he was, 00:05:03 and he knew that he couldn’t change whatever happened in the past, 00:05:07 no matter how much he might want to. 00:05:10 He accepted God’s undeserved kindness, 00:05:14 and he let Jehovah use him. 00:05:16 Well, like Paul, we’ve repented over our past sins. 00:05:20 We’ve confessed them to the extent necessary. 00:05:24 So we can be sure, too, 00:05:26 that Jehovah will be merciful with us. 00:05:29 Why? 00:05:30 Because Jehovah promises that he forgives in a large way. 00:05:35 So we can take him at his word and accept his forgiveness. 00:05:40 Now, we might refer to a second situation 00:05:44 that makes people suffer as “compassion guilt.” 00:05:48 This is feeling guilty 00:05:51 because you didn’t do enough to help someone. 00:05:55 And caregivers often struggle with feelings like this. 00:05:59 Even when they’re doing all they can to help, 00:06:03 they sometimes feel guilty about not being able to do more. 00:06:06 One sister who was caring for her elderly parents said, 00:06:11 “Having to say ‘I can’t take care of you anymore’ 00:06:16 is extremely difficult.” 00:06:19 What can help those in this situation? 00:06:23 Well, notice what Ecclesiastes 7:16 says 00:06:28 we should all avoid: 00:06:31 “Do not be overly righteous, 00:06:34 “nor show yourself excessively wise. 00:06:37 Why should you bring ruin to yourself?” 00:06:42 Another way we could put this is: 00:06:45 Avoid becoming a perfectionist. 00:06:49 Conscientiousness can easily deteriorate into perfectionism. 00:06:54 If we’re trying to do more than we want to, 00:06:57 can do, or even should do, 00:07:00 then we’re only setting ourselves up 00:07:03 for disappointment and failure. 00:07:05 To illustrate, some people see caregiving 00:07:10 as a way to repay their parents for all they did while they were growing up. 00:07:15 But if we see it that way, 00:07:18 we’re always going to feel guilty 00:07:20 because we can never fully repay our parents. 00:07:24 Acting out of guilt will only drain us over time 00:07:28 and make us less effective as a caregiver. 00:07:32 What can we do instead? 00:07:34 We can share the load. 00:07:36 Family, friends, neighbors, and professionals can be of help. 00:07:41 But we have to ask for help, 00:07:44 and we have to ask directly for it. 00:07:47 Hints seldom work. 00:07:49 It may surprise us who and how many 00:07:54 are willing to pitch in if we make our needs known. 00:07:59 Finally, a third situation 00:08:01 that’s paralyzing for some is “imagined guilt.” 00:08:06 This is guilt over something you think you did but didn’t. 00:08:11 For example, Theresa’s daughter died in a car accident, 00:08:15 and she says, “I felt guilty 00:08:17 that I had sent her out that night on an errand.” 00:08:21 Another sister says, 00:08:23 “The guilt that you feel during a divorce, 00:08:25 “even if you’re not the guilty party, 00:08:28 can be overwhelming.” 00:08:30 What can someone do in this situation? 00:08:34 First, it’s important not to bottle up those emotions. 00:08:37 Share your feelings with a friend who’ll really listen to you. 00:08:41 Allow them to reassure you 00:08:43 that irrational feelings are common, 00:08:46 especially when you’re grieving. 00:08:49 But second, no matter how much we love someone, 00:08:54 we can’t control his or her life. 00:08:57 Remember what Ecclesiastes 9:11 says, 00:09:02 and this is true for all of us: 00:09:05 “I have seen something further under the sun, 00:09:10 “that the swift do not always win the race, 00:09:13 “nor do the mighty win the battle, 00:09:15 “nor do the wise always have the food, 00:09:18 “nor do the intelligent always have the riches, 00:09:21 “nor do those with knowledge always have success, 00:09:24 “because time and unexpected events 00:09:28 overtake them all.” 00:09:31 So we are not to blame for things we cannot control. 00:09:36 Before you accuse yourself of wrongdoing, 00:09:39 make sure that wrongdoing actually took place. 00:09:43 Talk it over with a trusted friend, 00:09:45 and refocus your thoughts on the future. 00:09:48 Reflecting on all kinds of “if onlys” 00:09:52 won’t change anything, and it may slow down your recovery. 00:09:57 Don’t let inappropriate guilt control your life. 00:10:01 So in review, a guilty conscience 00:10:04 can and should move us 00:10:07 to confess our sins and to take positive action, 00:10:11 but inappropriate guilt is dangerous. 00:10:14 It can crush our spirit and keep us from giving our best to Jehovah. 00:10:19 Don’t let guilt paralyze you. 00:10:22 Concentrate all your energies 00:10:24 on what you can do right now and on what lies ahead.
